The last couple of weeks have been so busy....and so hard. So many things happening at once - when you least need it to.
When you try to offer someone something prescious from the very heart of who and what you are, and they lash out at you in irritation and throw back at you THAT they once too cherished and formed a part of....pretending that they don't know it comes from the heart of you, with all of the purest intentions , accusing you of not caring anymore..... and you are left standing very small, trampled on, like a little child standing with a precious gift, like a clay pot you specially made with this person in mind, in your hand, stretched out to that someone special - and they slamm it out of your hand, scattering the pieces all over. And you are left not understanding it....
It throws me totally off balance..... (YET more determined to succeed :-) )
Never the less, it is in times like these that Satan just attacks you with all he's got....
Within a few days, literally hours, after hearing that your boss has now decided to try and push you out with any means possible, in order to have your position filled by BEE persons - We were woken one morning this week, to my son's groaning and crying, incoherently speaking to us with a burning fever and a migraine type headache, crying for a headache tablet while hating to take any form of medication. After the tablet and a few more hours, the fever is as bad as before - and the headaches has intensified. And this happens on the morning you have to attend an important meeting - especially now in the light of the threatening BEE cloud.... Then, as it would turn out, no one is available to take care of my son for the 4 hours I have to be gone: not my mother-in-law,my mother, nor the aftercare centre. So I'm left with no alternative as to take him with me to the office.
Yet, Satan's lemon bag is still Full, and he is throwing with strong and regular intervals: I decided to take a different route to our office park, in Woodmead - to try and avoid the terrible West Rand traffic, and take the R28. Only to be caught on this new route, in traffic standing dead still. Eventually we move and I finally manage at least 100km per hour...when my husband phones, trying to organise to get out of his meeting, meet me at my office and take our son to the Doctor (which would take him around 2 hours) So while talking to him (on the hands-free kit ) , not knowing what would be the best to do , I miss my turn-off and hit a bad potthole all at once. By now I am totally stressed out. Reach the turn-off to the N1 towards Johannesburg, and as I'm in the turn, see the traffic backed -up for kilometres. So I keep bearing left, heading back to the N14 towards home, and to get to the original turn-off. Now on Summit road through Olifantsfontein to the R101 through Midrand towards Woodmead - I know there is roadworks, traffic lights out of order and on a normal morning there is always hecticly backed-up traffic. It would mean I would probably be an hour late, at least.
And at this very moment a calmness comes over me, I managed a little laugh about how absurd it is that all this can be happening to one person in one single morning, and then such an critical morning too! And out loud disclaimed to let my peace be stolen from me - throw however many lemon you have satan, you will not get the better of me.
And as always, my Father provides for me: Midrand traffic flows like a river....I have never in all the years using this road, had such 'smooth-flowing' traffic - points-men on duty at all intersections ex.
And I arrive 15 minutes in advance of the meeting.
Yet, he has not thrown the last of his lemons at me. After only being able to get a 15h30 Doctors appointment,haven taken my son to a friend in a clinic who insisted on taking him to his paediatrician immediately (where you can normally only get an appointment around 18h00 ,unless making it the previous day) the paediatrician sees us within the hour. Diagnosis? Viral meningitis and bronchitis. I expected a bad sinusitis and upper respiratory infection. But my son was seen early enough after the onset, so is allowed to be taken home with strict instructions to stay in bed, lying as still as possible for 5 days....with of course half of the pharmacy on the bedsite table :-)
Then, as finally peace and quiet settles upon us around 20h00, the next lemon gets throws: an allergic reaction to the virus strand causing the meningitis. And he gets admitted. But, IV antibiotics soon turnes it around and he is well on his way of recovery.
Is this the end of the lemons? and where is the lemonade? Oh no. The next lemon: my son get's admitted in the same bed his brother spent two weeks in, only turning around at the brink of death's door, only to drown a month or so later. My son was visibly shaken and upset about this, as was I, but I tried to not make anything out of it. Yet the sourest of lemons, for both my son and I, is the photo of his brother hanging on the "Wall of Remembrance" in the Paediatric Unit - where we have to walk on by it everytime we go to the bathroom and back to bed...... And although the staff in the unit are very happy to see us again and to be able to treat the older brother again too, they don't realise how extremely hard and difficult it is, and what effect it has on both of us. My son is so visibly shaken that he didn't even manage 10 minutes of sleep in 24 hours, and the smallest of things:someone dropping something, his IV alarms going off, removing the IV ex has him in a near panic state.
Fortunately he gets discharged shortly there after in trying to prevent him from contracting one of the other many virusses in the unit.
Whilest so much is happening in our own lifes, we sometimes get so pre-occupied with our own sorrows and issues and financial stress - these Happenings we spoke of earlier ect, that we do not see the world around us for a few seconds....
But as I stepped out of the unit, into the hospital parking....the Lord sents someone over my path to get me focussed again: the car guard: a white male, probably my dad's age....terribly upset: he shares with this stranger who's car he has been watching, how small and insignificant he feels, for how dare he complain about his problems, his situation - which is not rose-coloured, let me assure you of this! He has just spoken to an old lady who has a loved one in hospital and she shared some of her torment with him, yet she was the one reminding him that we must rejoyce in our sorrows, and give praise to the Lord, even and especially in hardship. And that, even though she has reason to murmur and complain and to feel lost and hopeless, her faith is strong, the Lord providing and taking care of her.
We share a few moments more, and I leave. Remembering again what I also shared with you in my very first posting: that sometimes it is not about who the Lord sent on our way, on our path, and what they can do for me, for us. But sometimes we get sent over their paths, for how we can be there for them, how by many times a small simple action or word, it was exactly what that person needed and was praying and believing for, at that specific moment in time!
So I hear the Voice saying , even though I do not have it myself, I should draw money, ask for it in certain notes and go back and give it to him. And as I was approaching him, flesh took over a brief moment, and I took out the smaller notes....just to hear that Still Voice, saying: "I said, the bigger notes" And as I hand it to him, and his eyes fill with tears with appreciation and amazement on the answering of a prayer....I walk away - drenced in lemonade! Not lemonade given to me, but lemonade I were able to give from all the sour lemons that were thrown my way that last 72 hours!
I have two more things to share with you; the first being an sms I received just as my world was shaken by the likes of an earthquake.
" Still in prayer, I place you and all concerning you, in the Hands of our Lord. He says: leave your burdens and uncertain thoughts and fears. Open your heart and allow My Love and Peace - that surpases any human mind - to fill your heart and mind to the full, to the brim - overflowing. I will carry you, because I know the best for you...."
The last thought I want to leave you with - is more of a piece of armour in the battle we're fighting: May you have such an impact in God's kingdom and in this world we live in, that the Devil and all his demons fearfully exclaim every morning you wake up and your feet hit the ground: " Oh crap - she's up again"
Have an awesome day - dripping with lemonade....
