" Your Grace has found me just as I am ~ empty handed but alive in

Your Hands....."

Monday, March 8, 2010

" Jy is Vrou..." (you are a Women..)

Somehow the English translation of this heading doesn't give right to what I am trying to say...
I think that sometimes on this journey called Life, we are forced to a halt or a standstill for a short while, just to recollect our thoughts and to again be reminded of our goals, purposes and destination. As well as the route we need to take...
I say this because I have come to such a short little "pause" in my journey today while really trying hard to convince and imprint this message into a very special friend's heart.
Life is hard...yes there is no two-ways about it. Things happen to us and come our way and we hardly ever understand why it had happen? Or why it happened to us? Or why during a time we really didn't need it to happen?
We can do one of two things with these - let's call it Happenings.
You can either let it get you down and get the best of you. Which will leave you even more vulnerable and open for further heartache....This decision will also make you forget who you are, and what you are capable of. It will leave you feeling unworthy, unloved and incapable of achieving anything worthwile in life. You will start doubting yourself. Doubting others may follow. In short it will break down your self-vallue and confidence.

The other option, and I know this is most often more easily said than done. BUT IT IS POSSIBLE : is to take that which life has thrown your way, turn it around into something positive and to learn from it, make it a stepping stone on your journey up and on....
How do we do that though?
I'm sure this differs for every person, and would greatly depend on your Faith and Trust in God. So what I say here, is simply my experience....
If you have not yet established an active relationship with your Creator....do that first. You have to know who you are in Him.
Therefor....I am His daughter. He is the King,that makes me a princess. Not to the world, or to rule with superiority over your husband and fellowmen.... But God's princess. Ruling over what He has entrusted you with...
Then realise that everything - yes everything - is by Grace and Grace alone! The mere fact that you have opened your eyes this morning and were able to breath for yet another day...is by His Grace.
We need to realise that nothing in this life happens to us without a purpose. We have already agreed that we dont always know that purpose. But this is where your faith and trust steps in and take over. Don't always try to Understand it with the limit capacity we use of our brains....that is human and of the flesh...
And its difficult too :-)
The answer is so much simpler: just ACCEPT and BELIEVE it: There is a purpose, we dont' know, but God knows. The problem seems big, but God is Bigger! And He is in control.
Isn't that wonderfull....we do not have to worry or stress...just do what you humanly can and trust Him for the rest.
As a little girl I use to have this terrible nightmares (always the same one...) and I was very often afraid of what I saw in this nightmare: a group of people surrounding and attacking my family and burning everything around us down. This continued for years. Until one day I heard this song that said: " Do you know, do you realise? God never slumbers. God never sleeps. When the lights go out at night and we fall asleep, He is alert, in charge and watching over us...."

How does a mother (and a father too... :-))get over the loss of a child? Can anybody answer me this? What is the purpose and meaning in that?
I can answer you: One never gets over such a loss. It is unnatural and goes against everything we stand for. Yet it happens to SO many people....far too many.
And let me tell you - it cutts so very very deep. It feels as if a huge piece of your heart is ripped open and left to bleed and bleed....It becomes a physical pain, mimicing symptoms of a heart attack. I can very well understand how people can die of a broken heart.
What do you do when your world is ripped apart like this?
Here again we are back at the two choices spoken of earlier.
1) go on and let it get the better of you, ruin you, make you ill, bitter towards God and everyone around you, and especially toward other moms with children that are still alive....And end up in many cases in broken marriages or Pshiatric units.
2) Dont try and ask why it happened to you, what have you done wrong to deserve this? Because the answer is that you didn't do anything to deserve it. That is not why it happend. My Father says in His Word, that WHEN I go through the deep rivers and the burning fire....HE WILL BE RIGHT THERE BESIDE ME, WITH ME. It doesnt say "if you go through this..." but WHEN, because we all will go through that deep river and burning fire....the details of that fire might just be different. But what ever your fire is, I am sure it is as painfull to you as the death of my son was to me.
Don't torture yourself with the "what if's" and "if only's" - they will now not make a difference. It is done!
Just BELIEVE.....my son was meant to only live 2 years and 9 months. His days were counted and numbered to that....he lived 100% to the full.
He has blessed me and my other son so incredibly much in that time....just by being in our lifes and part of us.
I am not saying I understand it. I am not saying it is fair or not fair. I am saying I decided to not try and reason it out, but just to accept and believe that God has a bigger plan and purpose with the pain, loss and suffering we have and still endure.
But...it is not a suffering anymore, without hope.
I honestly hope and pray that who ever reads this, hears my heart in the following:
although it was the saddest, most painfull and terrible time in my life - and I never want to have to go through it again, nor do I wish this upon anyone....
it was also the most presious,most awesome time in my life. I would not have been the person I am today, if I didnt went through that period.
To name but a few things now: I learned that time is precious.....live each day to the full, with no regrets. If you make a mistake, go back and ask that persons forgiveness, forgive yourself and move on to building the next great memory. Tell the person you love as much times a day as you can...how much they mean to you....You must be able to say with me: I do not need my son to come back for even just a few minutes, if that were to be possible at all - because I still needed to tell him something or that I love him, or to say I'm sorry. I did all that and more, while we still had the time....( and just incase you're thinking we were prepared or expecting it....no one can expect drowning...)

Then to conclude this for today: after you have made the second decision and have established your place and relationship with the Father, the second most important thing to remember is:
'Jy is VROU...."
After all the hurt,pain and sufferings you have endured: may it be divorce, a broken relationship, the ending of a relationship, abuse, loss in any way be it death or of material things.....
Remember: You are a women...You are special.....
Women are special in God's eyes - as we were created in His sight, taken from the rib closes to the man's heart....Women are dear to His heart. He blessed us with tears to cry easily for ourself and for others, with being soft to touch ( and sometimes even plumb and chubby :-) } for strong hard men to touch and love and to feel loved... the list goes on....
So in all things: remember you are Women/Vrou.... you are beautifull/ you are soft/ you are an emotional being/ you are special/ you are stong (emotionally) - more than you might realise/and you are capable of handling anything! And everything!

Lastly: I have a certain song that I have taken on as my "motto-song" in life: the words say this:
" my journey lays stretched out in front of me, life is waiting for me..
There is a rainbow full of promises for tomorrow, because yesterday is in the past..
All of my dreams I am going to chase because I am flying high....
Like an eagle soaring on a set course - with focussed direction, with an Angel by my side. The mountains can give way around me, because I know I am free.....
I spread my wings open and high....I fly and soar high....
My breath and strenghth will never grow weak, cause HIS breath and strenght is IN me.....I will never grow weary and tired, because His hands are carrying me...If I fall, He lifts me up and say :You can!!!"
Nothing can scare me anymore, nothing will get me down or hurt me again...What can a mere human do to me? I know who I am and I am free...I spray my wings open and soar high....because I cAn!
Soar Higher than the storms of life - it lies underneath me...
Soar higher than the clouds of the past - it is behind me...
On the wind of the Lords Grace and mercy underneath me....I keep my eyes focused on winning this life's race in front of me
Soar higher than the sun....to the LIGHT....I am flying high..."

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Sometimes in life, things happens to us and to those we love, that we do not understand the purpose of. We meet people, allow them into our lifes, just to later keep on wondering what the purpose of this person in your life is.....
Since my youngest son passed away six years ago, I have learned even more, that all these things happens for a reason. And frustratingly enough, we never fully understand the reasons for the happenings, while it happens, but only later.
And yet, everytime it is then just a confirmation again of what I believe.
Yet, I remain human...and sometimes life and all it's pain just weighs very heavy on my spirit. And always in situations like this, I rush to the National Botanical Gardens below my home, to lie on my back on the lawn at the waterfall and watch the majestic cliffs and Black Eagles souring.....
It then feels as if my spirit soars with them ..."on eagles wings".....and the Father renews my spirit.
Yesterday being one of those days... I rushed there through pouring rain. The waterfall was even more spectacular than usually, due to the heavy rains.
And although on this occasion the eagles were not to be seen, I met one of the people you always wonder why they were sent into your life....
And then I was just again reminded: I am sent into others life, because of the purpose and calling on my life....and many times I will not even know the impact I had on that person or why I was sent into their lifes....yet they know or needed it.
And the same with people coming into my life.
Therefor, I am so grateful for the people that has been sent into my life in the last couple of months,like Mary, Denise and Yvette, even though they are unaware of the impact they had on my life.